Things Ulquiorra Doesn't Know About
by ValentineRevenge
Summary: Collection of Yaoi oneshots. About things Ulquiorra doesn't understand. GrimmUlqui, possibly AiUlqui.
1. French Kiss

**I still own nothing. Nnoi still isn't commenting. Cause it ain't fair for him to be in the story and commenting as well. Enjoy. **

"Grimmjow." Ulquiorra said in his bland voice as he walked down the hall to the Sexta Espada. Upon hearing the other's voice, Grimmjow stopped, freezing in place, until Ulquiorra walked up to him. A slender, white hand snaked out to tap Grimmjow on the shoulder. This was bizarre behavior from the Cuatro, who never seemed to take interest in anything.

"Schiffer." Grimmjow snarled, tensing. He turned around quickly, taking Ulquiorra by surprise. The latter quickly hid his surprise below his customary stoic face. "I must ask question of you." Ulquiorra continued, as though nothing had happened. "What?" The Sexta replied.

"While I was in the human world, doing a task for Lord Aizen, I heard the term, "French Kiss"." Ulquiorra said, slightly nervous, and willing his voice to remain steady. "What's your point?" Grimmjow said impatiently. He had better things to do than to listen to Ulquiorra whining about something his precious Lord fuckin' Aizen set him out to do.

"I do not understand what the human trash meant when it said, "French Kiss." Is a French Kiss anything different from a normal kiss?" Ulquiorra asked. Grimmjow face palmed. The Cuatro could be so oblivious to the simplest things! _Guess that's what he gets for always doing only exactly what Aizen-fuckin-sama tells him to do._

"A normal kiss is just on the lips. A French kiss is with tongue." Grimmjow said, not even bothering to hold back the annoyance in his voice. "Demonstrate it." Ulquiorra said, keeping his face straight. Grimmjow sighed, before lowering his head to quickly peck Ulquiorra on the lips. "That's a normal kiss." Grimmjow said.

"And a French Kiss?" Ulquiorra asked, reaching up to touch his lips gently. Grimmjow removed Ulquiorra's hand from in front his lips, before gently placing his tanned lips against the dupo-toned lips of the Espada in front of him.

His tongue snaked out, gently licking at the bottom lip of his superior. When Ulquiorra didn't make any move to open his lips, Grimmjow nibbled the flesh lightly. Ulquiorra gasped softly, allowing Grimmjow's tongue into his mouth.

The invading tongue probed at the tongue laying lifelessly in the Cuatro's mouth. After a moment, Ulquiorra moved his tongue gently, moaning as Grimmjow's tongue touched the roof of his mouth. He instinctively wrapped his arms around the taller Espada's mouth. One hand lay at the base of his neck, in an attempt to deepen the kiss. The other went further up to thread itself through teal locks.

They both broke apart for air a moment later, lips still connected by a thin string of saliva. "T-That was amazing." Ulquiorra said, a hint of emotion running across his face and voice. "Glad ya thought so. If ya feel like doing that again, well ya know where to find me." Grimmjow said, shrugging out of the bat's arms, continuing on his way. Ulquiorra was left standing in the hallway, shocked, his hand on his lips. Grimmjow had actually invited him back for more. This was going to be interesting...

Just then, Nnoitra strolled down the hallway, and asked, "Is there gonna be some porn goin' on in Grimm-kitty's room tonight?" Ulquiorra glared and him, muttering, "Trash."

"What about Ulqui-bat's room?"

Ulquiorra started charging a cero.


	2. Hickeys

**Remember, Reviews = Love + Motivation for me to write, Flames roast my marshmallows. I own nothing. GrimmUlqui fluff.**

"Sexta." Ulquiorra said in his monotonous voice as he walked down the hallway to where Grimmjow stood, leaning against the wall. "Ulquiorra." Grimmjow said, glancing down at the shorter Espada with contempt. "What is a hickey?"

Grimmjow nearly choked on nothing. How could this kid not know what a hickey was? "Easier to demonstrate than to explain." Grimmjow said casually. "Demonstrate it." Biting back a laugh, Grimmjow said, "You can't do that here."

"Why not?" Ulquiorra asked, confusion in his emerald eyes. "B-because that's something private! Out of sight! To be reserved!" The Sexta blustered, before walking down the hallway. "Where do you think you are going, trash?" the Cuatro asked, following the other Espada. "To my room. Follow me." The teal-haired Arrancar said, before he sonido'd to his room, the short Espada on his heels.

Once they were both inside the door, Grimmjow locked the door. "Why are you locking the door?" Turning back around, Grimmjow sighed. "So that nobody will walk in on us. I told you, this is something fairly private. Not so much as sex, but still pretty fuckin' private."

Grimmjow walked past Ulquiorra grabbing his arm on the way, leading him to the bed. "Why are we going to the bed?"

"Don't want ya to fall over of course." Grimmjow said with a sigh. Once he got there, he crashed on the bed, crawling up to the middle, dragging Ulquiorra up behind him. With a slight gasp, Ulquiorra felt himself being drawn flush against the Sexta's chest. "G-grimmmjow?" He asked in confusion.

"Shuttup." Grimmjow said, as he removed his uke's jacket. "Why are you stripping me?"

"Can't do this with your jacket on. Collar's too high." Grimmjow said with a shrug. He was really becoming annoyed with the Cuatro's constant questions. The moment that Ulquiorra's upper half was bared, he shuddered, feeling the cold air on his skin.

"So cute." Grimmjow murmured softly, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the side of Ulquiorra's neck. Feeling the smaller Espada shiver under him, Grimmjow smirked softly, before licking the side of the white neck again. The bat relaxed in his seme's grasp slightly.

"Relax." The sexta ordered his prey. "It'll feel better for you if you relax." Forcing himself to go limp in his lover's arms, the bat complied. Only the slight look In his emerald eyes showed any other emotion. "Don't worry, it won't hurt you." Grimmjow murmured, before dropping his lips to the side of his pet's neck again and kissing it, before softly drawing the skin into his mouth, sucking it gently.

Below him, Ulquiorra moaned softly at the tender ministrations of the teal-haired Espada. Grimmjow pulled off for a moment, before saying, "You like that, don't you?" Ulquiorra only moaned his approval, before dragging the Sexta back to the side of his neck. The panther wasn't objecting to it. Hey, it was a chance to dominate the Cuatro in something, and not a chance that the Panther was going to let pass him by any time soon.


	3. Cuddle

**Still own nothing. Cute little fluffy drabble. GrimmUlqui.**

Grimmjow snarled as he was awoken from his cat-nap by loud raps on the door. "Th' fuck d'ya wan'?" he slurred, still half-asleep. The door opened, and the Cuatro Espada walked in, closing the door behind him. Silently, Ulquiorra walked across the room, and to the bed that held the Sexta. Before the other man could react, the slender Espada removed his shoes, yanked back the sheets, and crawled into the bed, pulling the sheets back up around them.

"What are you doing?" Grimmjow asked, fully awake. "Cuddling." Ulquiorra said innocently, wrapping his arms around the torso of the other person in the bed. The Panther looked at the bat holding onto him. With a sigh, he rolled over, drawing the smaller Espada into his arms. "Fine. Just lemme sleep."


	4. Aizens Don't Go That Way With Snuggling

**I own nothing. One-sided UlquiAi. Somewhat inspired by true events. Apparently my best friend does not take kindly to being cuddled with in public. :P Warning of Alt. Universe, Female! Aizen, Female! Ulqui. No yuri, just mild, cute fluff. **

Ulquiorra let out a sigh as she walked into the school yard. Just this morning, her Algebra teacher had yelled at her because she didn't know the answer to a problem. Wishing that there was such a thing as a Death Note, she flopped down into her usual corner.

In a moment, Aizen showed up, sitting next to the bat, automatically cuddling her tea (which in reality is Ulqui's tea). "Aizen-sama..." Ulquiorra whined. "Yes, Ulqui-bat?" Smiling slightly to herself at the pet name, the bat said, "I had a bad day. My teacher yelled at me...again..." accompanied by a sad half-nod. "Don't get me started on bad days." Aizen said, sipping at her tea. That's all the Aizen seemed to do at lunch these days. Drink tea, read manga, talk and draw yaoi... Such a mundane life .

"Fine." Ulquiorra said softly, before scooting so she was leaning on the Aizen. The older girl took no notice of the bat leaning on her. Feeling slightly bold, Ulqui wrapped her arms around the other, nuzzling the tea-drinking shoulder.

However, Aizen did not seem to take too kindly to this. Shoving the bat away, the butterfly yelled, "What the hell? What the effin' hell? I told you Ulqui, I don't effin go that way!"

"But I just wanted to cuddle!"


	5. Don't Lick Aizen

**I own absolutely nothing. **

"Aizen-chan!" Ulquiorra sang out as he hopped into the throne room cheerfully. "Ulquiorra." Aizen replied in a dead, flat tone. "I love my Aizen-sama!" the Cuatro continued, uncaring of the brunettes indifference.

Since Aizen did nothing to prevent the Espada from jumping on him and thoroughly glomping him, he soon found himself with a lap full of Ulqui-bat. "What do you want, Ulqui?" Aizen asked with a sigh, hoping to get the troublesome creature off him with minimal pain and suffering.

"Just to tell you how much I love you, Aizen-sama." Ulquiorra said, licking Aizen on the neck. The brunette screamed like a little girl, jumping several feet into the air and clapping a hand over his neck.

The halls of Las Noches rang with "HOW MANY EFFIN' TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL YA, ULQUIORRA? I DON'T EFFIN' LIKE BEING LICKED GODDAMIT!"


	6. Microwave Fail

Lord Aizen?

Yes Ulquiorra? Aizen said with a pleasant smile.

What in your holy name is that... thing that the trash over there brought in from the human world? He asked, gesturing to Nnoitra, who stood in the corner, cuddling a rather large metal box.

It's fer cookin' shit! Nnoitra yelled.

There was an awkward pause, before Ulquiorra said, I see. , with a faint look of disgust on his face. He walked off down the hallway. What on earth were humans thinking, making something like that?

Less than a week later, Nnoitra was standing in front of Aizen, a pissed look on his spoony face.

Aizen, c'n ya keep yer bitch in line? He spat.

Nnoitra, what are you talking about?

Yer fuckin' 4th Espada took a shit in my fuckin' microwave and turned it on!

Aizen nearly felt his jaw drop. Almost. But it didn't because it would be improper for a god to be looking like that. Instead, he turned to the bat, and asked, Ulquiorra, care to explain?

The trash said that contraption was for cooking excrement.

Nnoitra face-palmed, before saying, Jesus, you're fucking stupid. And ya fucked up my goddamn microwave!

It still works, does it not?

But now it smells like ass! 


End file.
